An Analysis on ...Ashe Sakura Ushiromiya
first of all, I have no means to bash on the creator’s behalf.
Just, ya’know. A reviewer walking by. My intentions are completely harmless and just for constructive criticism. I mean, the name itself doesn’t have seven words but I hope it can be fixed..I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
. . .
*takes all the glory in*
Oh loid.
Already looking very bad
this is going to be tougher than I thought
…….yeah…….
Name: Ashe Sakura Ushiromiya
Ah, I love how this oc has fallen prey to the “japanese name, caucasian appearance” trope.
A long name does not make you any more special it just makes it confusing
Age: 17 (( A year or two younger than Kaneki. ))
was it really necessary to add the “Year or two younger than Kankei”
Sex: Female
Race: Human
Occupation: Ghoul Hunter, student at Kamii University, Tattoo Artist
Crush: Kaneki Ken
erm---what? Why?
Why I thought she was a ghoul hunter
Pets: Ghoul Tracking-Hunting Purebred Saddleback German Shepherd K9 named Brix, Snowy Owl named Luna, Kitten named Jessica.
*reads*
I too like Ghoul-Hunting-Purebred-Saddleback-German shepherds
because she can totally have that with her salary
Family
Shizamasu Nagamatsu Ushiromiya, Father of Ashe, Ghoul Hunter, Samurai, Deceased.
Hmm…… A ghoul hunting Samurai that’s strange considering we’re in modern day Japan. I think it would be better to just make him a ghoul hunter and also not have a long ass name.
Cause of Death: Fallen Prey to Ghoul and Eaten alive
Kaiko Toka Ushiromiya, Mother of Ashe, Ghoul Hunter, Blacksmith, Deceased
Blacksmith… we’re in modern day japan. there are virtually no blacksmiths anymore you're making your parents sound like they're in Feudal age japan
Cause of Death: Fallen Prey to Ghoul and Eaten alive
Jane Suzuya Ushiromiya, Fraternal Sister to Ashe, CCG and Japanese Police Officer, Deceased
Like this.. this sounds at least reasonable but, even than a CCG or a Ghoul detective is like a full on job because Ghouls are such a big problem.
Cause of Death: Brutally raped and sodomized by Ghoul and Eaten Alive
Well that just went to 0 to 100 real fast
the question is…
did the ghoul wear rapist glasses?
Home District: District 20, Lives in Forest.
Ok from someone who actually watch the show District 20 is fine but, my question is what kind of a person lives in the forest and not have common sense that ghoul could definitely kill them and no one would even know. Also it so convenient that Kaneki happens to be in the same residents. Totally not a coincidence
Relationship Status: Single, hopes and prays to be taken by her crush Kaneki Ken
Ok back up a minute, you said your character family was murdered by murder ghoul hobos. the sister was raped by one too. It even says in the dislikes that she loathes ghouls. Don’t say that Kaneki is only half ghoul he still batshit insane eating people.
Blood Type: A+
ya’know, she’s gotta be the best in everything
Birthday: March 21st
Star Sign: Aires, Ram.
Fun fact: I too is a Aires.
I am Capriorn
Why does she hunt Ghouls?!: As revenge for killing and eating her entire family. She has little to no sympathy for them and will not stop until Ghouls are extinct.
At first glance I thought the phrase “to no” was “no no” which is my entire reaction to this bio so far.
who knows.
it might redeem itself.
You say she hates all ghouls but, has a crush on Kaneki… I don’t care if he’s only half he acts more ghoul than human. why the hell does she have a crush on something she hates
oh so it’s forbidden love.
not that’s it’s bad or anything, it is just the fact that the way forbidden love stories are portrayed are badly written.
Weapons: Kagune/Kajuka gun, fires spears of Kagune, Bow and arrows with Quinque steel arrowheads, AK-47 loaded with Quinque steel bullets, Dragonhead Rocket - Mortar - Missile Launcher (( its the one the girl is holding in her right arm:https://asianamericanpopculture.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/jinx_splash_2.jpg )).
Lower down your weapons and not use links to describe your character!
Likes: Kaneki, Music, rocking out on her electric guitar ((http://freshinfos.com/2012/04/05/draco-electric-guitar-for-rockin-the-lands-of-skyrim/ )) creating tattoos, her 1969 Harley Davidson FLH Electra Glide Motorcycle, ((http://www.baggersmag.com/sites/baggersmag.com/files/styles/medium_1x_/public/import/page_element_images/1304-hrbp-01-o%2B1969-harley-davidson-Electra-Glide%2Bright-side-view.jpg?itok=TNl4mjXP )) animals, guns, and killing Ghouls.
Hates: Tsukiyama Shuu (( For obvious reasons )), Rize Kamashiro (( For hurting Kaneki )), Ghouls, dresses, high heels, being forced to conform to formalities, people who abuse animals, cannibalism.
Is terrified of: Centipedes, Millipedes.
Ironic that she hates Centipedes when her future hubby uses though magical flesh claws that look like centipedes…..
she’s even afraid of centipedes……. AGAIN WHY IS SHE IN LOVE KANKEI AGAIN?!?!?!?!
Appearance: Her left eye is almond shaped, her left eye is rimmed with emerald-jade green, with her iris rimmed with metallic blue, the rest of her eye filled with bright deep ice blue, with small itty bitty little white specs scattered across her left eye to make it look like her left eye was truly the night sky, but across to her right eye, from her little nose, was her right eye, which was quite different. Her right eye has a henna tattoo colored Birthmark around it, covering her entire upper, lower, lashline, and inner lashline, (( I'm sorry for so many links, here is her birthmark, she's supposed to have two smaller triangles on top of her birthmark with the triangle with the open space, like on the bottom: http://gematsu.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Hyrule-Warriors-Impa-Trailer.jpg )) and her right eye different colored, and a different type of eye, for that matter. Her right eye had a dragon slit, ((http://pre06.deviantart.net/004c/th/pre/f/2012/061/9/f/dragon_eye_2012_by_sulamoon-d4rijbi.jpg )) and six small iris dots rimming the dragon slit in a circle, (( Like This:https://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzqydn7R1G1qjn85lo1_1280.jpg )) and her right eye was an exotic shade of golden amber honey oak hazel brown, with the right eye rimmed with solid metallic pure gold, And the small pupils rimmed with Metallic pure silver.
seriously who would write an entire essay on what THE EYES LOOK LIKE.
THE EYES.
THE
EYES.
LOOK AT THIS CHART
CHOOSE ONE.
ONE EYE COLOR.
(I chose #5)
She wears long fall boots, (( http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/half-life/images/9/9b/Long_fall_boot_diagram.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110416225556&path-prefix=en ))
the long fall boots? From the game Portal? At first I thought this character was in the Tokyo Ghoul Franchise but now things got weird..
WHAT FANDOM ARE YOU IN YOU CAN’T CHOOSE BOTH NO OFFENSE
oh man
what is my life.
and baggy cargo pants, a black vest with Kagune crystals protecting her back, and a gauntlet on her right arm, while on her left arm, she wears a copperwear sleeve and a fingerless glove. She has over 72 feet of long hair that she keeps in a very unique hairstyle, with two braids traveling to the back of her head, then wrapping around to form a Ponytail with the rest of the hair, then the braids neatly joining the rest of the Ponytail, that was so long, it went down to the soles of her feet, but the braids stopped at her ankles, and in the braid's end, there were fifteen feathers in each braid. The left Braid's end held one Robin, one Partridge, one Kingfisher, one South Carolina Parrot, One Prairie Chicken, one Quail, one Anihinga, one House Wren, One Hummingbird, one Osprey, one Golden Eagle, one Peregrine Falcon, one Bald Eagle, one Pileated Woodpecker, and one Red shoulder Hawk Feather, while the right braid held one Crow feather, one Blue Heron Feather, one Blue Jay feather, one Turkey feather, one Owl feather, one Buzzard Feather, one Sandhill crane feather, one dove feather, one snow eagret feather, one Raven feather, one blue and red macaw feather, one blue and yellow macaw feather, and one Cardinal feather, so a total of 30 feathers in her Hair braids. I should also mention that all of her clothes are Imbued with Quinque steel. She also has a prophecy mark on her lower inner right wrist.
again we have an overly detailed description of what the hair looks like.
this is something I would describe when I was seven or ten.
and what’s a “prophecy mark?”
Bio: As a child, Ashe was trained in all the different fighting methods and styles in the world, and was aware from a young age that Ghouls threatened humanity's survival. During her childhood, five things mattered to her the most: God, Protecting her family, getting stronger and better to protect humanity, getting smarter and smarter in her education, and being as badass as she could be. When she was five, she and her mother were attacked by Ghouls when they were going out shopping, and despite Ashe's skills and fighting back, Ashe's mother sacrificed herself and allowed herself to be eaten by Ghouls to protect Ashe. After her mother's death, Ashe held herself to higher standards, taking on a lot of responsibility and keeping her family safe. Sadly, only 5 years later when she was 10, Jane lost her life to a Ghoul who was hungry as well. Ashe then snapped, going out overnight and killing all Ghouls in sight to please her father, and to avenge her mother and sister.
GAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
I thought the character design was bad, but the bio is worse!
*dies in disappointed agony*
If her life couldn't get worse, it did.
HMMM YOU DON’T SAYYYYY
At this point in time I think the author is talking to the readers because the reader’s life is gonna get infinitely worse after reading this bio. It already did for me, why, I AM ALREADY DEAD.
Than how are you speaking if you're dead?
BECAUSE IF THE LOGIC OF THIS OC IS REALLY CONTRIVED I CAN BE TOO
When she was 15, Uta killed and ate her father. She assumed another Ghoul was responsible for her Father's death, and killed him. Thanks to her superior academics, she earned a scholarship to Kamii University, where she met Kaneki. Kaneki dropped one of his books on his way to class, so she, using Parkour and track and field skills, chased after him and gave him his book back.
From there, the two became very close friends, but Ashe kept her Ghoul Hunting a secret from Kaneki. When she was 16, she visited an Oracle to see if the amount of Ghouls she killed made any difference. She was shocked to find out that she only made a small chip in the Ghoul Population, and a terrifying prophecy was foretold onto her. That if she continued down the same path she was travelling down, killing Ghouls as revenge, that one day, a Ghoul would find her, become obsessed with her, infatuated with her, and would one day, make her his forever, and turn her into a One-eyed Ghoul. As proof, she received a mark on her lower inner right wrist as proof. Now, she is determined to kill all Ghouls not only to stop the prophecy from being fulfilled, but to make sure no one would have to go through what she went through as a child.
Oh my gosh I can’t do this
I got shoved into the bio to see this
what do I live for
*slams door*
NO I CAN’T DO THIS MAN
NO
MOM LISTEN
I AM TIRED TO REVIEW THIS
I WANNA TAKE NAP
DO I GET EXTRA NAP IF I FINISH THIS
*door opens*
UGhhhhhhhh
Art has also been one of her favorite outlets, and is taking Tattoo art classes at Kamii University, hoping to one day, have a full sleeve Tattoo on her left arm to commemorate slaying all Ghouls and to honor her Fallen family.
You know you have a problem when you decide to make your character appearance and bio to be almost the exact paragraph sizes. anyways The whole snapping and going on a killing spree at the age of 10 does not make you stronger or faster especially if you're a human. if anything she could've gotten killed because she was only 10 years old facing off against a superpowered adult males. I’m just gonna guess that ghoul is Kankei. Ok, first off Kankei is not even remotely interested in a relationship, especially going all obsessed over your character that one time they met.
Headcanons:
If their life couldn’t get worse, it already did.
otaku’s house was broken into by and their family was murdered by murderhobos.
years later they vowed to hunt down all the murderhobos.
Until they met Starfirely
THEY FELL IN THE RABU
but what she didn’t realise was that Starfirely was also HALF MURDERHOBO ALL ALONG
technically the jist of this story.
After Kaneki was put in the hospital thanks to Rize Kamashiro, where her kakuhou was transplanted into him to transform him into a one-eyed ghoul, unknown to Ashe, She stood guard outside Kaneki's Hospital room, subjecting everyone to a search by hand, and by Brix, who could indicate if anyone had any harmul items.
Once Kaneki always wore an eyepatch over his right eye, Thinking he had an injury from Rize, Ashe wore the same type of Eyepatch over her right eye as well, to show her support for Kaneki. Brix isn't able to pick up any Ghoul scent on Kaneki, so he isn't aware of him being a Ghoul, and Ashe is blissfully unaware of this fact as well.
Ashe has a birth defect and deformity in her body: Her Heart. She suffers from CHD, and irregular heartbeat. She has Kagune fragments trapped in her heart, and her heart is very weak. She accepts the fact that she could die if she doesn't have a heart transplant.
Oh whoa.. wait.. how did she has kagume fragments
conclusions:
I understand that you put time and effort into this, but this character is boring, typical and a cliche all round. What can I say about this character that hasn’t already been shown. This character is bad. Like, REALLY BAD. it is painfully bad there is no logic in her by Tokyo ghoul standards heck even by any standards this character makes no sense. When making a character you have to find a reason for them to fit in that universe, and not to make a half-baked reason to make them exist. Yhis entire character is really stupid. there is no point in salvaging this character.
I’m out.
You know what, I like to see the better side of things, and you know, I am really sorry about bashing the oc you must've created, so instead I am going the pacifist route to try and improve the character.
oh hey look it mentions “lemon”
Okay, so the first step of trying to improve the character (because to be honest, this OC needs a lot of help) I would best suggest giving her a personality. What traits do they possess? Are they a very serious person? Are they often depressed over the death of her parents? While thinking about this, keep in mind about how other characters would react around your oc.
character design:
The elephant in the room that I see in this is the character design. Please, Please PLEASE don’t make your character stand out like a peacock in a bunch of pigeons, or in your case, a bunch of blood eating monster pigeons from the depths of satan’s armpit, especially in a show where that type of trope (standing out) could get you killed. We all know that standing out from our society is something so special, however, although unique, this theme of nonconformity has been done to death already.
It may look attractive but in the long run it’s not gonna help out the character. At all.
I would suggest toning down the hair and eye color and step it down a notch with the overall character design. Her occupation seems okay, but instead of giving her super guns and magical firecrackers maybe equip her with something more realistic, for example, a pistol. Also maybe a police uniform? I dunno. Make it look everyday instead of...edgy rainbow.
hair:
Hey look, what a perfect opportunity to use math! *everyone groans*
Okay, So Ashe here has a whopping 72 feet of hair.
Looking online, approximately four feet of hair clocks in at about 225 grams when dry, and 350 when wet.
Ashe’s hair is 18 times the amount of four feet.
18x225=4050 grams
4050 grams is approximately 9 pounds.
18x350=6300 grams
6300 grams is also around 14 pounds.
it takes 16 pounds of force to break a human neck.
Morale of the story: Make the hair less extreme.
Backstory:
Hey, How about NOT making her parents murdered by murder hobos
or murder ghoul hobos
because if they get murdered by the thing they are hunting, then they’re really bad at their job.
Also why kill everyone in her family, I understand that killing everyone develops “sympathy” for the reader, but come on. None of the readers here are murderous orphans.
Okay, maybe if her parents die, that would be fine, but her fraternal sister? SERIOUSLY HER TOO?!? That was probably the most realistically set out of all the characters are you kidding me?
Additionally, after her sister died, how did Ashe survive on her own?
Also there’s this prophecy thing that “if she continued down the same path she was travelling down, killing Ghouls as revenge, that one day, a Ghoul would find her, become obsessed with her, infatuated with her, and would one day, make her his forever, and turn her into a One-eyed Ghoul”
this is absolute Blasphemy. This basically saying that if she continues to have the only personality trait she has she will become the wife to a overpowered ghoul. And even worse she HERSELF WILL TURN INTO A GHOUL. Ugh. If she became the same thing she’s trying to kill, what’s going to happen to her? I doubt she’ll go into a psychological breakdown because she’s way too edgy to do that. It’s just that this prophecy is totally a contrived set up to just make her be with Kaneki.
Conclusion:
This character needs a lot of work. My god. If the character wasn’t already bad enough, with everything we already dissected, one of the biggest problems for me was the personality. This OC has no personality AT ALL besides the fact that her entire purpose is to be Kaneki’s waifu. Heck, even the prophecy foretold that. I just hope that never happens. The only thing I find redeeming about this character is her sister. It goes into some detail about the relationship between the two and I hoped it would be more fleshed out. Just hope the prophecy doesn’t ruin everything and come true.
oh wait.
oh we’re all doomed.
STARFIRELY'S RATING: 1/10
DONUT'S RATING: 1/10
